My way, My say

i miss you papa i wish you never passed you were my great escape the one who taught me so much about loving and giving and caring i hope some day when you look down on me you can smile and say yes thats my grand daughter and im proud 

the older you get the more you under stand why things hurt so much. like why it hurt not having a mom or how some guy decided to molest you or why dad was never around or why step mom would beat you….. but one thing i cant seem to understand is how to fix it put it behind me and make things all better :( why must there be so much wrong with very little right… i just you just have to clutch  onto the good and blow away the bad……… it going to be a tough week going to have to laugh at the dumb brush of the bad and embrace the good

ALL IN ONE NIGHT. IM SO DONE WITH EVERYONE FUCK ALL THIS B.S SCREW ALL THE PEOPLE WHO THINK THEY KNOW ME AND GO TO HELL TO THE PEOPLE WHO THINK THEY ARE BETTER THAN ME.

i just want to be in those stars with you papa earth sucks :/ huh i’m looking up at you…. sorry for the choices i have made i know you probably aren’t happy with them but it’s me it’s how i do things i know i could do better and i’m working on it

so these are the things i want to do before basic aka boot camp if not i will pick up where i left off when i get back…here it goes..not in any specific order…

1. go to hooters

2. visit grandpa 

3. write my mom back 

4. make my amends 

5. get ride of things i dont need anymore / clean room 

6. pass jr year

7. find college 

8. get puppy to vet

this is all for now 4 more drills!

either this feeling of loneliness is really eating away at me or someone is out to get me in my sleep some darkness is casting over me in my only safe place…. shit thats when you know it gets bad